After Marriage Friends

10:51 AM

I recently read an article on Internet which said "I want to get married, but I am afraid of losing my friends. I know of many people who have lost their friends after being married. Please explain to me why people, especially women, lose their friends after marriage?"

How much ever frustrating it may sound,it's true,and every word of it.Unless you go out and shout to the world and prove every time,it's difficult to retain friends,specially of the opposite sex.They might be your 4 am friends before but after marriage,forget 4 am,they would never ever bother to call up.Do people change and if they do,why so?

Marriage is a wonderful thing and so is friendship.Not every friendship end up in a DDLJ love story and nor every guy in your life is worth getting married to.Chances are you might love a person to be "just friends".This is so typical Indian,that "ek ladka and ladki kabhi friends ni ho skte",but I've found that in many cases the opposite perspective of a guy helps or broadens your own.We may be,best friend with a girl or a good friend with a guy or vice versa.The choices should not depend on your marital status ,but unfortunately it does.

It has lot to do with your interest and lot to do with other person's perspective,also lot to do with how your spouse reacts to it.You might be an easy to mingle person,but your other half would not like it,leading to jealousy and marital tension.Most of the the time jealousy is vague,we are spoonfed to believe things which hardly exists.Cummon not everyone is as raunchy as PC in fashion,you know what I mean.Sometimes the topic of conversation changes to the usual household and children,why on earth do you think the guy would be interested.Diaper talk are the least interesting on earth.

Of course,when I say that I don't mean children are bad.They are the best thing to happen,but not necessarily the best topic of conversation.Recently a few of my friends called me up,and when I blasted them on "where on earth",they had the same old reply as "we thought you were busy".It irritates me to the core,when being married is termed as being busy.Yes,I might be busy,but not necessarily hugging and sticking round together,but to other things as well.I might be busy in my work,I might be busy in meeting,I might be busy as well elsewhere.It's tough to make others understand,and even tougher to make others realise,because marriage is not just honeymoon.Why on earth,every friend has this rosy picture on their head,when it comes to marriage?And if marriage is all about walking down the aisle with your friends and then forgetting them,then what's friendship?We live in a world,which is biased and living in their own world of preconceived notions.Notions which seem to be modern,yet are back to the grandpa's era.

Another very interesting topic of conversation is "You are lucky,you have got a great hubby,you do what you want to,you are going alone there,where's your hubby!"Funny it is,I feel the urgent need to put a pepper spray on the other person's eyes.Dumbo,I haven't lost my limbs to marriage,and if I can travel on my own before marriage,what difference does it make after marriage.Do I get more insecure,or I need a person to protect of so called evils all of a sudden?And being able to do what you want to do after marriage,requires a great level of understanding which can only be achieved through open talk,and not being a shy coy house wife.I do things,because I fought for it.You can too.As much as it's being in marriage,it's also about what do you want.It's about your own perspective to life,for me,doing things I love gives me a sense of freedom,and I don't want to regret later that I haven't done something I wanted to because I got married.That is a terrible excuse,I wouldn't want to live my life with,as simple as that.

It's stupid,when people hold grudges.A girl might be your best friend and got married to someone else and vice versa.And so,you bury your feelings,and plan to distance yourself from the emotional atyachar.It's an escape most people do,and they show to the world how adventurous they are.Sports doesn't make you brave,but your mind does.And if you by any chance,choosing the road of escape,you are not brave.Face the world,and as much as you are beautiful so is the other person in your friend's life.Life's too short to grudge on competitions..!

Marriage doesn't mean that your friends are my friends and my friends are yours.Sometimes it does,when you have get together.But other times,its great to be with a friend you can share your unbiased opinions with.

..and hell no,being with a friend doesn't mean that my marital chord is all set to break,and I have come here to shed tears or rekindle my relationship.There are better things to do in life,and better talk to have.It hurts when people change.

As Roopz has pointed out in the comment,I do miss my female friends as well,but not that much because touch wood,some of my female friends are still there in my life.Some got carried away.But I do miss many of my friends.As for the female friends I miss the all gal shopping I used to do,now its more of he's my husband,let's meet up at home.Give me a break!It's good once in a while,but not every time for sure.

All relationships require maintenance to stay alive. If this isn’t happening, plan to move on. First take the time to mourn the loss of a friendship. Then make new friends that suit your lifestyle and treat you reciprocally.

Why regret a friend,who doesn't care who you are!

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  1. Each word is absolutely right and I have missed even my female friends after their marriage.

    Village Girl

  2. Anki,

    Nice article... I wanted to say a few things, both from the perspective of friends of married people, and now being a married person myself. When someone says that we thought you were busy, is not necessarily a hint at your "honeymoon" like situation. They are merely being polite. And these are the people who are your well-wishers too cos they want your married life to be smooth, and not create any attention issues between you and your spouse by calling you at odd hours. Trust me, good intentions are easily misjudged.
    Now being a married person, I have had situation where the "friends" who still kept in touch and called me exactly as when I was single, which means, approx 11pm, have spelled trouble each and every time. It was difficult to make them appreciate the nuances, of dynamics between the couple. Also, there were instances, where a totally innocuous call from someone after a long, became a serious issue, because of a bad timing scenario, you and spouse in a heartful conversation getting interrupted by a "friend".

    All said and done, I agree with most of what you are saying. It's frustrating too. But mainly because of the couple I'd say, not exactly cos' of friends.

    1. True that.But sometimes i jst miss my long gone friends to marriage n wish dat if things were same evrything wld b so perfect.Its a change i agree bt apart frm being wth my husbnd 24/7 i wld cherish if we have friendly outings or calls too once in a while

  3. this post reminds me of the seinfeld episode where the comedian is trying to "break-up" with a friend he has been forced to keep in touch with - a guy, who he has known since childhood...

    the good part about friendship is that you don't and in fact, you shouldn't get to complain the other went away...the unique thing about friendship is that one can't leave the other...friendship is always mutual; upload or download - bandwidth remains the same in both directions...

    and if someone did "go away", could we stop to consider the fact that maybe there just wasn't anymore depth to the relationship than could get filled with spending more time...the bond may evolve and get stronger with time, or may just die a natural death...cos lets face it, the kind of means we have today to share stuff with the people, most of the times there is little excuse to not communicate...things change, priorities change, maybe they found a new friend, or maybe they never took you to be so close...the chain is only as strong as the weakest link...

    sometimes things are simpler...when people don't say much, it's cos there's really nothing to say...or the connection lost its meaning...marriage, job, laundry, kids, career - all excuses

  4. I am sorry to write such thing but i wana know: r u married ?


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